Trauma That Stays!

                                            -By Ish

You get over people, but the trauma stays, you know people often say – “forgive and forget”, but no one tells you how. this “forgiving and forgetting” comes from within. and you never really learn to let it go – you just get used to it. and when you get used to it, you carry that trauma with you.

After we broke up, at first, I was miserable. I wouldn’t take a shower for weeks or take care of my diet. I was dragging myself to a new low every day. It took me months before I started taking care of myself before I got better.

But I never really got over the trauma. now, when someone tells me something sweet, I'm left wondering if they mean it. now, I no longer go out of my way and talk to people. I have stopped “discussing” things, too.

I got over you – but I don’t think I ever got over the pain. how could I? You were that person who made me happy and sad. You were that person who gave me everything and then took it all back.

When we first started talking, I told you, “I don’t want to get hurt”, and you replied saying, “I'm not going to.” I should have stopped at that moment. You were too good to be true,but I’ve been a chaser of big gestures and words. So I allowed myself to fall for you.

You came into my life with your grand words and kinder actions – and you loved me. I’d never been loved the way you did. When I got used to your presence, you left, taking that love with you, leaving me with insecurities.

When you think of happy memories, you’re filled with nostalgia. you are sad, but in a good way. but when I look back to that phase, I am filled with an ugly feeling. I wonder what’s the word for it?

I wish you know what you did to me – you filled me with self-doubt and made me constantly wonder if there’s something wrong with me? I may have been over you, but I couldn’t find it in my heart to trust someone, again.